This might be messy...

well, tonight was going to be my night to go to bed early. but here i am lying in bed, and it seems i have a billion and one things on my mind. pardon the lack of organization and cohesion, but i've got to spill.

[x] one of my students dropped my Jazz class today. my heart hurts.
[x] lifeline yesterday. the body of believers...so many of us...are so BROKEN. we need Jesus. Satan is ATTACKING and half the time we are so oblivious. Teach me how to pray, Jesus.
[x] i want to go to africa. so so badly. God is moving in my heart. ah. uganda soon?
[x] went to starbucks this morning...saw a woman with her boys in the parking lot... one of them was SO angry...so filled with rage...beat his fists against his mother's legs as she walked...she looked so lifeless. checked out. Again, I was burdened with the desperateness for Jesus among our human race. He is what we need.
[x] i then looked down at my table with my little cup of coffee, my open bible, and my computer playing music through headphones. and i was disgusted with myself. i talk the talk. all the time. but GOOD GRIEF. i am called to be an ambassador of Christ. SURE i prayed for her. But HOW ABOUT LOVING HER?! How about getting out into the dozens of "rough" neighborhoods within 5 miles of my own house and be JESUS to those who don't know of his saving power?

...how on EARTH do I get so attached to all of my stuff? How do I have those moments when I really think I "NEED" something...be it a new pair of shoes or an ipod adaptor. How do I still get tangled in the things of this world? ...and in the process, MISS the reason we are here?

DUH, Jessica. Cause I don't gaurd my heart. I don't remind myself of the truth enough. I don't keep "the HOPE of Jesus Christ" on the forefront of my mind. Sure, it's my "out" when things are rough...but do I really BELIEVE in and walk out the power of grace in my own life? ...enough to want to SHARE that gift with others?

Bah. I think that's enough for tonight. I could go on and on.

Cast your cares on the Lord, for He cares for you. Jessica, He cares for you. Even in your screwed up motives and laziness and impatience. He treasures you.