choose hope.

what's up with nights like tonight...?

nights when i have the faintest motivation to do anything i'm supposed to do. ha. and i feel rather like life is a cyclical unfolding of to do's.

AY. surely it must be a normal human-y thing, but i usually don't think of that. and thus feel like a pathetic loser.

BUT just because it's "normal", doesn't mean i have to go with it...

(and here's where i usually embrace a "Hey. It's a good opportunity to grow in self-control and discipline!" mindset. aaaand I get up and go on with life. OR... I continue in my blah-ness, and wait til feelings shift or circumstances "force" me to get going again.)

but i think there's a deeper and truer solution.

even self-control and discipline are intended to be ROOTED IN LOVE, right?

i zoom in on me...and for me, boredom usually hits. inside of that deadly mindset of considering myself to be more important than everyone else, i lack love, and thus...lack passion. hmm.

hope deferred makes the heart sick.

there's not much hope in and OF myself.

but love... LOVE drives people to do crazy things.

duty versus love.

this has been a season of the Lord sifting my actions and showing me how greatly influenced i am by duty...and how void many of my actions have been of love.

just some thoughts....